By Victor Bassey | RISE Values Youth Initiative
When we talk about respect, we often make it sound very simple.
We tell children to respect their parents. Respect their teachers. Respect their elders. Respect their friends.
But respect is much more than good manners or obedience.
As I think about the work we are building at RISE Values Youth Initiative, I believe it is important to ask a deeper question:
How does a child actually learn to respect another person?
And perhaps even more importantly:
How does that understanding change as the child grows?
Research examining the development of respect among 476 children and adolescents between the ages of 5 and 15 gives us an interesting way to think about this. The researchers explored how children understand respect, what they feel respect for, how those ideas change with age, and how respect relates to behaviours such as helping others and aggression.
What stood out to me is that respect is not simply a rule that children either know or don't know.
It develops.
And that has important implications for how we teach character.
A Child's Understanding of Respect Changes With Age
One of the most useful lessons from this research is that children do not necessarily understand respect in exactly the same way throughout childhood.
A younger child may understand respect primarily through visible behaviours:
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listening when someone speaks;
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saying "please" and "thank you";
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following instructions;
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sharing;
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being kind.
As children become older, their understanding can become more sophisticated.
They begin to think about questions such as:
Is this fair?
Should everyone be treated equally?
What if I disagree with someone?
Does someone deserve respect even when I don't like them?
What should I do when somebody is being treated unfairly?
This is important because it means we should not teach respect to an eight-year-old in exactly the same way we teach it to a sixteen-year-old.
The value remains the same.
The depth of understanding should grow.
That is one of the principles I believe should guide the RISE curriculum.
Respect Is Closely Connected to How We Treat Other People
One of the strongest findings in the study was that children across the age range consistently associated prosocial behaviour with respect.
In simple terms, children connected respect with behaviours that benefit or consider other people.
This gives us an important perspective.
Respect is not only about how I speak to you.
It is also about how my actions affect you.
If I listen to you but deliberately exclude you from a group, have I really demonstrated respect?
If I speak politely to someone but deliberately embarrass them in front of others, is that respect?
If I disagree with someone and immediately insult them, what happened to respect?
These questions help us move from teaching respectful language to developing respectful behaviour.
And that distinction matters.
Respect Is Not the Same as Agreement
This is an area I believe young people particularly need to understand.
We live in a world where people will disagree.
Children will disagree with classmates.
Teenagers will disagree with teachers.
Young people will disagree with parents.
Adults will disagree with one another.
Respect does not require everyone to think the same way.
In fact, one of the most important expressions of respect is learning how to handle disagreement without destroying the dignity of the other person.
Imagine a classroom discussion.
Two students have completely different opinions.
One says:
"I don't agree with you."
That is disagreement.
Another says:
"You are stupid for thinking that."
That is something different.
The issue is no longer simply the disagreement. It is the way the disagreement is being handled.
This is why RISE should help children develop respectful disagreement as a skill.
We should teach them how to:
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listen before responding;
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explain their position;
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ask questions;
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disagree without insulting;
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recognise another person's perspective;
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change their mind when they encounter better reasoning;
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stand firm on an important principle without demeaning another person.
These are character skills that children will carry far beyond school.
Fairness Becomes More Important as Children Grow
Another particularly interesting finding was the increase, with age, in children's understanding of fairness as an important part of respect.
This tells us something valuable about character development.
As children grow, they become increasingly capable of thinking beyond:
"Is this good for me?"
and toward:
"Is this fair to everyone?"
That is a significant developmental shift.
A younger child might say:
"It's unfair because I didn't get one."
An older child may begin asking:
"Did everyone get a fair opportunity?"
Those questions are different.
The second requires the child to consider other people, circumstances and principles of fairness.
That is where character education can become much more intellectually engaging.
Instead of simply telling students:
"Treat everyone fairly."
We can give them situations where fairness is not immediately obvious.
For example:
Four students are working on a project. One student has done most of the work while another has contributed very little. Should they all receive exactly the same recognition?
Or:
A school has limited resources and cannot provide the same opportunity to every student. What would a fair solution look like?
There may not always be one simple answer.
And that is precisely why these conversations matter.
Character development should give young people room to think.
Children Respect More Than Achievement
One part of the study that I found particularly useful for thinking about RISE is the distinction between ethical behaviour and personal achievement.
Children and adolescents reported higher levels of respect for behaviours connected to ethical principles, such as fairness, sharing and inclusion, than for behaviour based primarily on personal achievement, such as obtaining high grades.
This does not mean achievement is unimportant.
Academic excellence matters.
Hard work matters.
Discipline matters.
But it raises an important question:
What kind of person do we teach children to admire?
If the only people celebrated are those with the highest grades, the most trophies, the biggest titles or the most visible achievements, children may gradually learn that success is primarily about personal accomplishment.
Character asks us to widen that definition.
We should also recognise the child who:
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includes someone who is often left out;
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admits a mistake;
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helps another student understand a difficult topic;
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returns something that does not belong to them;
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stands up for someone being treated unfairly;
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takes responsibility when things go wrong;
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serves others without expecting recognition.
These behaviours may not always appear on a report card.
But they matter.
Respect Can Influence How Children Behave
The research also found evidence connecting children's feelings of respect with prosocial behaviour, while certain understandings of respect, particularly those involving fairness and equality, were associated with lower levels of physical aggression.
This is important because it suggests that respect is not merely an attitude.
It can be connected to behaviour.
A child who begins to understand that other people have dignity may become more conscious of how their actions affect those people.
A child who develops a stronger understanding of fairness may begin to question behaviours that harm or exclude others.
This is why I do not want RISE to treat values as isolated topics.
Respect should connect to empathy.
Empathy should connect to responsible decision-making.
Responsible decision-making should influence behaviour.
And behaviour, when repeated consistently, contributes to character.
What This Means for the RISE Curriculum
For me, the biggest lesson from this research is that we need to teach respect progressively.
The four RISE values remain the same:
Respect. Integrity. Service. Empathy.
But the way we explore them should evolve with the child.
Lower Primary
At this stage, respect can focus on concrete behaviours:
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listening;
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taking turns;
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using kind words;
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caring for classroom materials;
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respecting personal space;
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including others in play.
The child should be able to see and practise what respect looks like.
Upper Primary
We can begin introducing more complex ideas:
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fairness;
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inclusion;
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different opinions;
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consequences of disrespect;
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resolving disagreements;
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respecting people who are different from us.
Now the child begins to understand why respect matters.
Lower Secondary
The questions can become more challenging:
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Can you respect someone you strongly disagree with?
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What should you do when your friends disrespect someone?
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Is following an unfair instruction respectful?
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How should you respond when someone disrespects you?
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What is the relationship between respect, power and responsibility?
Here we begin developing ethical reasoning.
Upper Secondary
Young people can engage with respect at a broader social level:
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dignity;
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equality;
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discrimination;
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responsible citizenship;
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freedom and responsibility;
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respectful leadership;
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conflict;
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diversity;
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social responsibility.
At this stage, we are preparing young people to take their understanding of respect into workplaces, relationships, communities and public life.
The value has not changed.
The child's capacity to understand and apply it has.
The Teacher's Role Is Bigger Than Delivering a Lesson
If we genuinely want children to develop respect, we also have to look at the environments in which they learn.
A teacher can spend 40 minutes teaching a beautiful lesson about respect.
But what happens when a student makes a mistake?
How does the teacher respond?
What happens when two students disagree?
How are conflicts handled?
How are weaker students treated?
Are students listened to?
Do children feel safe enough to speak?
These experiences can communicate powerful lessons about respect.
This is why character development cannot be separated from school culture.
The research framework we have been studying similarly points to respect as something connected to children's relationships, social-emotional development and behaviour, rather than simply a concept to be memorised.
For RISE, this means our work should eventually support not only students, but also teachers, school leadership and families.
Parents Also Teach Respect Every Day
Children learn from what adults repeatedly demonstrate.
They observe how parents speak to one another.
They observe how adults treat domestic workers, drivers, security personnel, teachers and neighbours.
They observe how adults respond when they are angry.
They observe whether adults apologise when they are wrong.
They observe whether disagreement automatically becomes insult.
These everyday experiences can become powerful character lessons.
That means one of the questions RISE should eventually help parents consider is:
"What are my everyday actions teaching my child about respect?"
Because sometimes the most powerful character lesson is not the one we intentionally give.
It is the one children repeatedly observe.
Respect Should Not Mean Fear
There is another distinction I believe is important in the Nigerian context.
A child being afraid of an adult is not necessarily the same thing as a child respecting that adult.
Obedience can sometimes be produced through fear.
But character development seeks something deeper.
We want children to understand why respect matters and eventually choose respectful behaviour because they recognise the value of dignity, fairness, responsibility and healthy relationships.
This is consistent with the broader character-development principle that the goal should not simply be compliance, but the development of an internal commitment to good character.
For RISE, this distinction matters greatly.
We are not trying to create children who behave well only because an adult is present.
We want to help develop young people who can make responsible choices even when the adult is not present.
The Real Test of Respect
Perhaps the easiest way to know whether a child is developing respect is to look at the difficult moments.
What happens when they are angry?
What happens when they lose?
What happens when they are corrected?
What happens when someone disagrees with them?
What happens when they have power over someone else?
What happens when their friends are behaving badly?
What happens when nobody is watching?
Those moments reveal much more than a child reciting the definition of respect.
They show whether the value is becoming part of the way the child thinks and behaves.
What I Want RISE to Help Children Understand
For me, the deeper lesson from this research is that respect should grow with the child.
It should begin with simple actions:
Listen.
Share.
Be kind.
Take turns.
Then develop into deeper principles:
Be fair.
Include others.
Respect boundaries.
Accept differences.
Then mature into character:
Stand up for dignity.
Handle disagreement responsibly.
Use power carefully.
Treat people fairly even when it is difficult.
And eventually become part of citizenship:
Understand that your choices affect other people and the society you belong to.
That is the kind of progression I want us to think about as we build RISE.
Respect Is a Journey
The most important thing this research reminds me of is that we should not expect a child to understand respect in its fullest form immediately.
Children are developing.
Their reasoning is developing.
Their emotional understanding is developing.
Their relationships are developing.
Their sense of fairness is developing.
Their ability to see beyond themselves is developing.
Our responsibility as educators, parents and communities is to create environments that help that development happen intentionally.
That means giving children the language to understand values, the experiences to practise them, the relationships that reinforce them, and the opportunities to reflect on their choices.
For RISE, this is why Respect is not simply one word among four core values.
It is an opportunity to help children understand something fundamental about living with other people:
Every person has dignity, every choice has consequences, and how we treat others says something about who we are becoming.
And that, to me, is where character development becomes much more than a lesson.
It becomes preparation for life.