By Victor Bassey
There is a question I think every parent, teacher, school leader and child-focused organisation should ask itself:
What are children learning from us when we are not intentionally teaching them?
We spend a lot of time telling children what is right.
Tell the truth.
Respect people.
Keep your promises.
Do not cheat.
Take responsibility.
Be fair.
Treat people kindly.
These messages matter.
But there is another teacher in the room that we sometimes overlook:
our behaviour.
A child does not only listen to what an adult says. They also watch what that adult does, how that adult behaves when under pressure, how they treat other people, and whether their actions agree with the values they expect from the child.
A recent study by Émilie Bélanger, Angela M. Crossman and Victoria Talwar, published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, provides an important insight into this question. The researchers examined how children respond when parents' verbal messages about honesty and their actual behaviour are consistent or inconsistent. The study involved 127 children between the ages of 5 and 12. (ScienceDirect)
The lesson for character development is bigger than honesty alone.
Children are learning character from the people and environments around them.
And this has important implications for how we should approach character development at RISE.
A Child Can Hear One Lesson and See Another
Imagine a parent telling a child:
"You must always tell the truth."
Later, the parent receives a phone call and tells the child:
"If they ask, tell them I'm not here."
The child has now received two lessons.
The first was verbal:
Honesty matters.
The second was behavioural:
Honesty can be ignored when it is convenient.
The child may not immediately explain this contradiction in sophisticated moral language.
But they are observing it.
This is the central issue raised by the 2026 study. The researchers found that children considered both adults' words and actions when making moral evaluations, but when verbal and behavioural messages conflicted, the parents' actual moral behaviour was particularly salient. Children's trust evaluations were significantly influenced by the parents' moral behaviour. (ScienceDirect)
That does not mean children simply copy everything adults do.
And it does not mean one inconsistent moment determines a child's character.
The study was based on moral vignettes rather than observing children's long-term behaviour in their everyday lives, so we should be careful not to turn the findings into a simple claim that "children always copy adults." (ScienceDirect)
But it does reinforce something that should matter deeply to anyone working in character development:
What adults model can become part of what children learn about how values work in real life.
Integrity Is Bigger Than Telling the Truth
At RISE, one of our four core values is Integrity.
It would be easy to define integrity simply as honesty.
But integrity is broader.
Integrity is about the relationship between our values, words, decisions and actions.
It asks:
-
Do I do what I say I will do?
-
Do I take responsibility for my mistakes?
-
Do I behave ethically when nobody is watching?
-
Do I treat people fairly even when I have power over them?
-
Do I maintain my principles when doing so becomes difficult?
-
Do my actions reflect the values I claim to hold?
This is why integrity cannot be developed effectively through instruction alone.
A child can memorise:
"Integrity means doing the right thing."
But the deeper learning happens when the child sees adults demonstrate what that actually looks like.
A teacher who admits a mistake.
A parent who keeps a promise.
A school leader who applies rules fairly.
A facilitator who acknowledges when they do not know something.
An adult who apologises when they have treated someone wrongly.
These moments may appear small.
But for a child, they can become powerful demonstrations of what integrity looks like.
Children Need to See What Values Look Like
One of the challenges with values education is that values are abstract.
We can talk about honesty for an hour.
But a child may understand honesty much better by watching an adult return something that does not belong to them.
We can explain responsibility.
But a child may understand responsibility more deeply when they see an adult acknowledge:
"I made that mistake. It was my responsibility, and I need to correct it."
We can teach respect.
But children learn something different when they watch an adult disagree with someone without insulting or humiliating them.
We can teach empathy.
But children experience empathy when an adult takes their feelings seriously rather than dismissing them.
This is why modelling is not separate from character education.
It is part of character education.
The Adult Environment Is Part of the Curriculum
When we talk about curriculum, we often think about lesson plans, workbooks, activities and assessments.
But there is another curriculum children experience every day:
the behaviour of the adults around them.
A school may have "Respect" written on its wall.
But what happens when a student makes a mistake?
A school may teach "Integrity."
But how are academic dishonesty and misconduct handled?
A school may promote "Empathy."
But what happens when a struggling child needs additional support?
A school may teach "Service."
But are students actually given opportunities to contribute to their school and community?
The answers to these questions tell children whether the values are genuinely important.
This is closely aligned with broader character-education thinking. Character.org's 11 Principles emphasise that core values should not merely be selected and announced; they should be defined, embedded and modelled throughout the school culture.
That is a powerful distinction.
A value on the wall is a statement.
A value demonstrated consistently is a culture.
This Changes How We Should Work With Teachers
If RISE is going to work with schools, I believe teacher development has to be taken seriously.
We cannot expect teachers to simply deliver a character lesson while treating character development as something separate from their normal teaching.
The teacher is already part of the lesson.
Consider a teacher who is teaching students about respect.
The lesson might explain listening, kindness and treating people with dignity.
But what happens when two students interrupt the teacher?
What happens when a student gives a wrong answer?
What happens when a student challenges the teacher?
What happens when the teacher is having a difficult day?
These ordinary moments can become character-development opportunities.
A teacher can say:
"I disagree with you, but I want to understand your reasoning."
Or:
"I made a mistake in what I said earlier. Let me correct it."
Or:
"You made a mistake, but making a mistake does not make you a bad person. Let's work through it."
Those moments teach something that a PowerPoint slide cannot.
They demonstrate respect, humility, responsibility and integrity at the same time.
Parents Are Character Educators Too
This is equally important outside school.
Parents do not need to be perfect to raise children with strong character.
That would be unrealistic.
Instead, children need adults who are willing to model growth.
One of the most powerful things a parent can say to a child is:
"I was wrong."
Think about what that teaches.
It teaches accountability.
It teaches humility.
It teaches that making a mistake does not require pretending that the mistake never happened.
It teaches that relationships can include correction and repair.
It also gives the child permission to acknowledge their own mistakes.
This matters because if children learn that adults never admit mistakes, they may begin to associate admitting mistakes with weakness.
But when adults acknowledge mistakes responsibly, children can learn that accountability is part of strength.
We Should Not Build Character Around Fear
There is another important implication here.
If we want children to develop integrity, we should not make the entire system about avoiding punishment.
A child who tells the truth only because they are afraid of being beaten, suspended or humiliated has learned something different from a child who understands why honesty matters.
The goal should gradually move from:
"I will do the right thing because I might be punished."
toward:
"I will do the right thing because this is the kind of person I want to become."
Character.org makes a similar distinction in its seventh principle, emphasising the development of intrinsic motivation rather than relying primarily on external rewards and punishment.
This is especially important for RISE.
Our responsibility should not be to produce children who simply comply.
It should be to help children develop the understanding and internal motivation to make responsible choices.
What Should Happen When a Child Does Something Wrong?
This is where character development can become very practical.
Suppose a student cheats in an examination.
There are at least two ways an adult can approach the situation.
The first is:
"You cheated. You are a bad student. You will be punished."
The second creates room for accountability and learning:
"What happened? Why did you make this choice? Who was affected? What would integrity have required from you? What can you do to take responsibility and make a better decision next time?"
Consequences may still be necessary.
Accountability still matters.
But the objective should go beyond punishment.
We should use mistakes as opportunities for moral learning.
That is especially important because character is not developed by pretending children will never make wrong choices.
Children will make mistakes.
The question is whether the adults around them help them understand, take responsibility, repair and grow.
RISE Should Also Model What It Teaches
This lesson does not apply only to schools.
It applies to us.
If RISE teaches integrity, then our organisation must operate with integrity.
If we teach respect, our staff and volunteers must demonstrate respect.
If we teach empathy, we must listen to children and take their experiences seriously.
If we teach service, our work must genuinely serve children, schools and communities.
If we teach responsibility, we must be accountable for our commitments.
This means our values should influence not only our curriculum but also:
-
how we recruit people;
-
how we train facilitators;
-
how we work with schools;
-
how we communicate with parents;
-
how we handle safeguarding concerns;
-
how we collect and use children's information;
-
how we evaluate our programmes;
-
how we respond when we make mistakes.
RISE cannot ask others to live values that we are unwilling to practise ourselves.
That, to me, is one of the most important lessons from this research.
A Practical Framework for RISE
The research gives us an opportunity to strengthen the way we think about our programmes.
For every RISE value, we can ask four questions:
1. What do we teach?
What should the child understand?
2. What do we model?
What should the adults around the child demonstrate?
3. What can the child practise?
What real or simulated situation can give the child an opportunity to use the value?
4. What can the child reflect on?
Can the child explain what they chose, why they chose it and what they might do differently next time?
This creates a stronger learning cycle:
Understand → Observe → Practise → Reflect → Improve
And it can be applied across all four RISE values.
RISE Value Adult modelling Child practice Respect Listening, fairness, calm disagreement Role-play, conflict resolution Integrity Honesty, accountability, keeping commitments Ethical dilemmas, decision-making Service Responsibility and contribution Community projects, peer support Empathy Listening and responding with care Perspective-taking, stories, peer activities
This gives us something practical to build into lesson plans and teacher training.
The Real Question Is Not "What Did We Teach?"
This research has made me think about how we should eventually evaluate character programmes.
Instead of asking only:
"Did the child attend the lesson?"
we should also ask:
"What did the child experience?"
"What did the adults around the child model?"
"What choices did the child have opportunities to make?"
"Did the child reflect on those choices?"
"Is there evidence of growth over time?"
That is a much more meaningful approach to character development.
It also aligns with the broader principle that effective character initiatives should assess their progress and use what they learn to improve their practice.
What I Want Us to Remember
The most important lesson I take from this research is not simply that parents should tell fewer lies.
It is much bigger than that.
Children are constantly constructing an understanding of how the world works.
They watch how adults respond to pressure.
They watch how adults treat people who cannot offer them anything.
They watch whether adults keep promises.
They watch whether adults admit mistakes.
They watch whether rules apply equally to everyone.
They watch whether the values adults talk about are visible in their behaviour.
And those observations become part of their understanding of character.
This is why I believe character development requires more than good curriculum content.
It requires good examples.
It requires environments where values are visible.
It requires adults who are willing to examine themselves.
It requires children to practise making decisions.
And it requires organisations like RISE to hold themselves to the same standard they are asking children to develop.
Because ultimately, we cannot simply tell the next generation what kind of people we want them to become.
We have to show them what that looks like.
At RISE, we are not only asking children to learn values.
We are committed to creating the environments, experiences, and relationships that help them see those values, practise them, question them, and eventually make them part of who they become.
That is how we move from teaching character to growing character.
Research basis: Bélanger, E., Crossman, A. M., & Talwar, V. (2026), Practice what you preach? Children’s evaluations of parents’ verbal messages and social modeling of honesty and lie-telling, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 268, 106528. (ScienceDirect)